Embrace who you are, especially your kindness

Hi, I'm Phoenix

I write about how human and animal rights are connected. I’m so proud of our diverse journeys — from being marginalized in some way to reclaiming our magic, and from being unaware or defensive about others’ struggles to truly seeing, understanding, and showing up for those whose vulnerabilities differ from our own.

 

Let's Free Ourselves and Others

If you're sensitive, you may feel a deep connection to other humans' and animals' struggles, while managing your own. Yet, you yearn to make a difference. The power lies within you — to nurture your vision of compassion, and bring it to life in big and small ways each day.

 

 

Growing Up as a Sensitive Child: I Loved Animals & Felt Different

 

Before I had words to understand my sensitivity, I just knew that I was different — my gender, and my empathy for animals.

 

I started getting picked on at school. I was "so gay." I talked like a girl and held my lunchbox like a purse. Hurt by the queerphobia, I cried myself to sleep every night. Then, our science class did a dissection. As I looked down at the dead body of a squid before me, I realized: Animals are misunderstood too.

 

Animals know joy, pain... their abilities, emotions, and adventures are so unique. I didn't want to know the suffering I put them through, any more than other kids wanted to know how they harmed me when they mocked my voice. But I couldn't deny it any longer: With the way we humans eat and exploit animals, we become their bullies.

 

One of my classmates, an ally to me who had stopped consuming meat, joined me in giving our squid a funeral. From there, I went from being a starry-eyed animal lover, to looking up the hard truths about how we really treat animals. I started on my vegan journey.

 

Veganism, as I might put it now, is like having an abundance mindset about our compassion. It is something that can raise our standards of how we relate to each other. It extends the "golden rule" that I learned about in childhood to include those who look, talk, and see the world differently from any human.

 

When we see the world through a vegan lens, we refuse to believe that anyone is disposable 'livestock'. None of us is a means to an end. We matter in our own right. Owning, killing, or breeding one another for profit can never be ideal.

 

Veganism brought me back to the innocent reverence I had felt for animals as a young child. Yet, it tempered that awe with awareness of the real world's sufferings, and how I might help create change as I continued to grow.

 

Veganism invited me to question the reasons I had been told, for why violence was necessary and I should be indifferent. It became my personal conviction that others' safety and dignity was more important than my own wish to eat or do whatever I want to.

 

In practice, vegans avoid buying meat, dairy, eggs — or anything that targets other beings' bodies as a resource. They're plant-based because it reduces overall harm to animals, humans, and the earth on quite a number of levels.

 

But what motivates this behavior is often that vegan philosophy — of continually refreshing our commitment to how we view one another, and challenging ourselves to better align our lifestyle with compassion for all. We can practice that approach from wherever we are at; it is about holding ideals of love for all in our hearts, and making imperfect progress towards them.

 

In that way, veganism is a missing ingredient in human rights. If we can't think clearly about not exploiting the 99.9% of us who aren't Homo sapiens — and we just keep finding convenient reasons for animals' oppression — it is unlikely that we'll be able to relate optimally across our human diversity either.

 

Okay, I went off on a tangent!

 

Back to my story, I recognized that we all look, talk, and see the world very differently. Wi

 

Recognizing that we all look, talk, and see the world differently, I wanted to grow up and live this truth: that when we leave others out, it limits how free we can all be.

 

Shy, timid, and distracted by my own struggles, I had no idea how I would ever speak up for animals. Somehow, I would find a way!

 

What forms of marginalization or 'othering' did you go through in your life? Did you ever get the sense that our treatment was connected?

 

What makes you care? 💛

 

 

Your Sensitivity Is a Strength

 

As a young person, you may have faced some obstacles to really embracing your sensitive self. I know I did. The world was overwhelming. Pressure to "just be normal" and "stop being so sensitive" can make it hard to become our best.

 

Each of us is uniquely sensitive. Different things bother us, inspire us... We can all learn from one another's special ways we perceive life.

 

But if you ever got the idea you were generally more sensitive, you may be. Highiy sensitive people has described those of us with the 15-20% highest sensory processing sensitivity.

 

Animals can have higher processing sensitivity for their species, too!

 

Innate sensitivity can mean that we are prone to stress, more deeply impacted by trauma... and susceptible to mental struggle as well as certain physical conditions that arise from or are exacerbated by said stress and trauma.

 

For me, that heightened susceptibility to stress certainly has not been easy.

 

But here's a silver lining: Being so vulnerable can come with an abundance of inner richness, and hone our ability to be highly sensitive towards others. Your sensitivity may have drawn you to creativity, detail-oriented study, closeness with nature, helping or caregiving, spirituality, or healing with those around you.

 

And yes, we often have felt misunderstood, being more sensitive than most. Here are 7 examples of ways that our sensitivity can conflict with what society wants us to be:

 

1. We may socialize in a unique, personally authentic way, instead of following the expected patterns of how to talk or relate.
2. We may develop passionate niche interests that deeply speak to us. Our range of what we love can seem selective, alternative.
3. Our strong reactions to the world around us can give us more of a need to customize our environment to maintain calm.
4. We grow more dependent on the specific routines that ground us. Fixed in our favorite ways, we may need help shifting gears or coping with a sudden change.
5. We tend to move our bodies differently—fidgeting, pacing, playing with objects, or repeating words—instinctively finding ways to stay regulated.
6. We fail to focus on boring stuff. Focus flows to what's meaningful, emotional, or alive. Restfully tuning out, we engage deeper with some details while forgetting others.
7. We may seek continual stimulation and connection through energized talking or spontaneous behavior that is beyond the expected.

 

Okay, so get this: The first 5 traits that I described are used to assess for autism. 6 and 7 describe ADHD.

 

My list loosely matches up with the DSM-5, a manual used to identify disorders. However, my word choice captured these neurodivergent traits in an appreciative light—not as "symptoms," but as strength through diversity.

 

It can be tricky sometimes to draw the line between healthy diversity and disorder. "How autistic is autistic?" is not always perfectly clear. But something that really helped me see neurodivergence as a good thing was understanding that a good amount of our struggles really do come from the pressure to live up to unhealthy or unreasonable standards, and NOT from something being innately maladaptive about our brains. After all, autism and ADHD are very correlated with high sensitivity. So much so that the term "highly sensitive person" has become controversial in the autism community. Is sensitivity bad? If not, then the seemingly 'inconvenient' traits that so commonly go along with it might not be bad either.

 

Our lives haven't always been so artifically structured in ways that expect linear productivity, where work and family are separate. It is certainly possible to exist in a slower-paced, more nature-attuned, diversity-welcoming society. Societies can also be more collective in the sense that everyone contributes what they can, everyone takes what they need, so neurodivergent or disabled people don't wind up homeless. Modern technology can also be extra disruptive to those of us who are the most sensitive.

 

As a young adult, I struggled to be motivated to get a job. Most employment opportunities seemed stressful, misaligned, and indignifying—such as taking the bus to go work at a crowded corporatey grocery store that sells dead animals and wants all the redundant sales tags to be perfect. But while I might have been a defective 9-to-5 worker under capitalism, imagine if my "work" could have consisted of watching a few children, picking berries, and serving as some kind of village healer or historian given my knack for writing and meditation. You can start to see how an autistic ADHD person like myself might seem a lot more functional in the right environment.

 

In this sense, highly sensitive humans help to expose the imbalances of modern living. Imbalances that probably aren't serving any of us. And that's kind of cool!

 

Think of it this way:

 

• Is it wrong to have a different way of socializing, moving, engaging in interests, sensing the world, or forming routines? Imagine an animal who walks, trying to fix one who swims. Both are important to the ecosystem.
• Is it bad to be less in sync with societal norms, but extra in touch with your sensitivity?
• What if you were wired for creative richness, instead of speed?

 

The neurodiversity movement helped me have recognize that while my deeply impressionable mind finds socializing and everyday life complex, for every weakness I have a power. I'm as brilliant and "disordered" as the next person, and my challenges are good for me. Whether you're sensitive like me, or whether you have a steadier, less reactive nervous system (also a strength and very needed in this world), I hereby give you permission to be yourself!

 

Like a lot of divergent people, I learned to unconsciously hide any tendencies that would be labeled weird. This caused stress, confusion, and burnout. It helps now to understand that the majority of humans really are more wired for fitting in than I am; self-adjusting to norms doesn't feel quite so painful or forced for many neurotypical people. Reducing how much I'm hiding, and beating to my own drum, does wonders for my health.

 

Autistic ADHD liberation has felt similar to my earlier transgender girl journey of escaping a traditional male gender role. My femininity was a perfectly natural and acceptable part of me. So was my sensitivity. Feeling more like my true self, I found freedom!

 

Contrary to a misconception, autistic people are not necessarily less empathetic or emotionally intelligent. While some autistic people agree with that description, others exhibit the exact opposite: hyper-empathy, even acting like accidental therapists to those around them... Furthermore, many of us simply relate better to fellow autists, ADHDers, and other like-minded folks. We might be a little weak at understanding neurotypical people, but neurotypical people are also a little weak at understanding us. Some autistic people, I'll add, certainly do a great job of empathizing more with nonhumans!

 

So, a more accurate way to think of it might be that we all have a combination of social gifts and social challenges. Autistic people simply connect and feel in different ways, different from what neurotypical human society expects.

 

Society got autistic people all wrong.

 

And we got animals all wrong.

 

Maybe you see now why I'm passionate!

 

We were assumed to lack full emotion, true connection, complete inner richness—simply because we're different.

 

So, whether you're neurodivergent, sensitive in your own way, or have a more resilient and steady nervous system and consider youself an ally... give love to your beautiful way of being, your irreplaceable blend of softness and strength.

 

And please, I hope you will nourish your sensitivity towards beyond-human beings, in this society that teaches us speciesism. We are taught to look down on animals like chickens, pigs, cows, and fishes. We think we need to because we think we need to exploit them for our material interests. Truly, most of us don't. We enjoy a miraculous degree of abundance and choice compared to most of history, along with nutritional knowledge to have healthy vegan communities. We kill more of our fellow animals than we did in the past due to consumerism and overabundant lifestyles. Think, with all of the power and privilege that humans have over other animals, veganism is the least we could do to make things right. We all know what it's like to be a suffering being. Our struggles as human animals don't excuse us of ethical responsibility to those of us who aren't human. I urge that we let compassion fuel us to live vegan whenever we can.

 

Much of what I have written on this homepage connects to issues of disability, understanding that society is set up to favor humans with certain mental/physical abilities, while being less accommodating towards any human or nonhuman who lacks those idealized abilities.

 

I seek to learn and better understand how my own early struggles intersect with Black, Indigenous, and people of color who are reversing colonization, racism, and colorism. And everyone who has been devalued, misunderstood, or made to suffer more based on their age, sex, looks, cultural background, or other immutable characteristics—yes, including their species!

 

Whatever your relationship to the sensitivity theme of this website, I hope it helps to be reminded that healthy diversity has been pathologized. We end up feeling pressured to conform to a high-stress consumer lifestyle, which hurts animals and ourselves. And if we can't conform? We feel like something's wrong with us.

 

In my own life, I found that my sensitivity to seeing an animal in pain became inseparable from my own autistic transgender girl experience.

 

How could I support harming other misunderstood creatures, when I myself was a misunderstood creature?

 

By "daring to be sensitive," we can build new norms of kindness and create a tipping point for animal rights—just as the tipping points for 2SLGBTQIA+ communities and neurodiversity freed me.

 

Your sensitivity can be a source of ethical leadership, which future generations will thank you for.

 

By embracing who we are, we really can change the world!

 

Thank you for listening to my story. If you're resonating with this and want encouragement to play your part in a kinder world, read on!

 

Create Beautiful Habits, and Live Your Dream of a Kinder World

 

Maybe you resonate with what I'm saying, but there are things holding you back from aligning your life with the better world for all that you believe in. I hope that my story helps.

 

After feeling hurt by the comments at school and injustice to animals, my preteen self longed for innocence and fun. Through exploring an online game called Neopets, I found childlike joy again. On Neopets, I could be anyone I wanted. But while I saved virtual creatures on my computer from lava, I struggled to take a single step toward my real goals.

 

Have you ever been unable to stop binging shows, or craving endless distractions—feeling pulled away from your purpose?

 

You may have even felt like you were wasting your life while a secret passion gnawed at you.

 

This can be a very difficult, unsettling feeling to sit with. I've found that, over the course of my journey, I keep facing it over and over. While it's tended to get less intense over time (thanks to forming healthier long-term habits), I nevertheless need to keep noticing where my life feels off, so I can continue growing. Through my meditation practice, I've learned to love the discomfort, like it's the ache of a good massage.

 

If you ever get majorly hooked on stuff that feels bad for you... it's not your fault!

 

Sensitivity can make us easily addicted. That's especially true when we're rising above hardship. And there really are big tech and other companies out there essentially aiming to addict us. But you aren't wrong for soothing yourself. TV and gaming aren't wrong. It's wonderful how you stay in touch with desirable feelings—joy, wonder, relaxation, playfulness, excitement, adventure, inspiration—even through habits that you may feel ready to let go of, or do less of.

 

If your activities have been feeling like a dead end, maybe you just need a little support to find ease in what feels meaningful.

 

I struggled for years with what I considered to be a true addiction to that online pet game, before finally leaving it for good. Clearing away the old habit, it got easier to immerse myself in what felt like my true calling—projects that aim to benefit real people and animals.

 

Even if you have a long journey ahead, you've come far! Have you ever made a list of your accomplishments, big and small, that remind you of your power to help yourself and others?

 

Here are some of the high points on my list:

 

• As a teenager, I went vegan and whole-food plant-based—reducing how much animal suffering I would contribute to over the rest of my life, while also empowering my personal health. And fueling this vision of a kind, healthy humanity, which I would someday share with others.
   

• I changed my name and came out as a trans woman. I felt more confident and deserving of happiness.
   

• I found something that was effective at lowering my lifelong social anxiety (The Lefkoe Method). That made it easier to start dancing in public, join a public speaking club, and go to theatre school. I then trained in the Lefkoe Method and other forms of life coaching, enriching my personal healing and my ability to support others in theirs.
   

• I survived a few years of houselessness living from a car. It helped me feel at least somewhat more in touch with the struggles of poverty, classism, safety, and housing insecurity that affect so many. 
   

• I worked at an animal rights conference, gathered signatures for a cage-free law called Prop 12, did field marketing for a plant-based meat company, and I helped lead communications for a campaign to end slaughterhouses and fur. I participated, first on a more occasional volunteer basis and then through jobs like those that occupied more of my time.
   

• I went from terrified of sharing my writing, to blogging prolifically on Medium and Reddit. Over time, I developed courage and clarity to focus on saying what I really wanted to say about veganism, animal rights and human rights. I have slowly been developing a better relationship with checking comments and safely connecting with those I write to.
   

• I embraced neurodiversity and disability pride, winning at our own games and loving being different. It has not been easy! I overanalyzed. I felt like I was broken. I felt so misunderstood, it was a lot to bear. But I'm so glad I can keep redirecting that into fuel to better understand others.
   

• I kept learning over time about the experiences of different animals and human groups, dissolving different prejudices which felt healing to my soul.
   

• I helped accompany and care for an elder with Alzheimer's. Caregiving can feel like a lot to show up for when caring for myself feels complicated, and I loved showing up for my dad. It helped me continue to think about disability liberation, and along the way I increased my acceptingness of aging, disease, and death, which helped to do while I was in my early 30s instead of having to wait until much later.to make some peace!
   

• Lowering the dial on Netflix, I dove into self-taught schooling and book reading. I started to revive my childhood love of learning, especially now that I can direct much of my learning specifically towards the goal of better advocating for others.
   

• My struggles with long covid and chronic pain drove me to master mind-body work like DNRS, Joe Dispenza meditation, laughing on purpose, and expressive writing. I practiced daily to improve my health and reach more goals.

 

If any of these life experiences are something you would like to connect with me around, feel free to reach out to me! :)

 

What beautiful little habit can you practice today, to step towards a kinder future? 

Reach Out to Me if I Can Help With Anything

 

You feeling unconditionally supported—my dream!

 

Lately I've been focused more on figuring out my writing path than the coaching one, but I LOVE listening to people and having deep 1-on-1 conversations. It's why I've served in a coaching role in the past and may again in the future. Here's my coaching page where I had written more about the "personal growth games" I trained in, which could be useful in one's journey from marginalized to magical and disconnection to compassion.

 

I'd love to help you if I can answer any questions or informally support you with something related to the content of this website. :) My email is uberpath at gmail.

 

Photo credits on this page: Benjamin Wedemeyer via Unsplash; Alan via Adobe Stock; Erik Kartis via Pexels.

 

Reach Me Anytime!